I'm an unsubscriber - let me out of here!!!!

As a new year's resolution (and also because I'm drowning in spam) I decided to finally cull my subscriptions to any e-newsletters that turned out to be an utter waste of bandwidth in the last year.

Top of the list was one for a commercial radio station in London that lost its only decent presenter over a year ago. Unfortunately its unsubscribe process turned out to be the equivalent of hanging on to my leg screaming "DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!! DON'T GO!!!!!"

Having given them my e-mail address I figured that was it. But no, they wanted more. Eager to for humilation, they wanted to know WHY I was dumping them and they didn't stop there:

My mobile number? Why? So they can ring me up and plead with me?

These guys were acting like a crazed ex-girlfriend. Or perhaps they wanted my full name and contact details just to make sure the hitman got the right person.

It was even better when I hit submit. This was all I got:

Guys, take the hint - if someone wants out, it's really not because they love you and want to help. It's because they think you're crap. Stop with the denial already and just let them go.

Labels: geek

posted at 9:14 PM
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But I don't LIKE spam!

My in-box is currently drowning in bouncebacks. My spam filter has trapped about 10,000 of them in the last 10 days.

Is my address book on the blink?

No

Maybe I've suddenly developed an inability to use Outlook correctly?

Ok, come on!

No, I am beset by bouncebacks of e-mails I never sent. Spammers have started using fake addresses from two of my domains in their latest missives.

I cannot say what I would like to do to these scum-sucking bottom feeders; I would be arrested. However I fervently hope that their scrotums will shortly wither and drop off...for starters.

Whilst hunting for further ideas of revenge, I discovered that plenty of others have the same idea. Scamming the scammers is virtually a sport as prospective victims turn the tables and vye with each other to see what ludicrous acts they can con their tame spammer into performing.

Fed up with pre-approved accounts? Think Cialis Soft Tabs are some kind of mint? Couldn't give a toss about the widowed wife of a former african minister? Don't even have a penis, far less one that needs enlarging?

Read on:


3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference

spamradio

scam-o-matic!

Those crazy academics | MetaFilter

FelonCheck.com - I Hate Scammers

Scamming The Scammers

Scam o Rama: The Lads from Lagos

Dumbentia - scamming the scammers

And here's Wil Wheaton on the subject

The master of revenge however has to be The Ebola Monkey Man. Anybody who can con scammers into posing for photos (and there's a gallery) whilst holding up signs such as "I love Juan King", he's OK by me.

And just in case they're feeling left out, here's one for the telemarketeers:

anti-telemarketing EGBG counterscript

Now if I can just persuade the Americans that Osama has just been spotted in Nigeria...

Labels: geek

posted at 9:43 PM
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System Administrator Appreciation Day - just sliding in under the wire.

Labels: geek

posted at 10:58 PM
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Everyone has bad IT days, the kind of days that make you long for revenge on the hardware concerned (defenestration, reprogramming it with an axe, that kind of thing). Well those nice people at Blogger are living the dream

I can't wait to see the video.

Labels: geek

posted at 12:48 PM
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Caring for Your Introvert: Proper care and handling of your introvert: "How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation."

[Note to my friends - read and inwardly digest.]

Labels: geek

posted at 8:57 PM
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Note to self: Starting a new job today - think tecchie thoughts.....

43 Folders | A bunch of tricks, hacks, and other cool stuff: "I’ll bet Descartes, Mozart, and Aristotle would each have been a lot less productive if they were receiving constant SMS updates on Tara Reid’s boobs. Just something to think about."

Labels: geek

posted at 10:37 AM
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Oh how I wish that this were really just a text-based adventure game:

"...There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.
What do you want to do now?

> INVADE IRAQ
You are not able to do that, yet.

> PET SEAL
It's not that kind of seal."

Labels: geek

posted at 1:28 PM
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How to fix Mom and Dad's computer - a geek's guide to surviving the holidays and the inevitable requests to 'have a look at my computer'.

This is written for Americans but for Thanksgiving just read Christmas and you'll get a good idea of what I'm preparing for this holiday season.

Now where did I put that backup CD...?

Labels: christmas, geek

posted at 6:33 PM
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The Power of Community Blogging

"This isn't just an airdart launcher. This is a USB-controlled, mouse-aimed, desktop M&S airdart launcher"

And despite costing £20 it went on my Xmas wishlist so fast it hurt (C'mon Santa I've been good, honest!)

On Friday it got Boing boinged

By this morning it was sold out

Thanks a bunch Cory! *sob*

Labels: geek

posted at 9:59 AM
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Today is World Usability Day - whilst my little webby heart rejoices at this news, I'm also willing to bet it won't be patch on Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Arr.

Labels: geek

posted at 10:20 AM
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Scott Adams has got a blog and it pretty much sticks to the life philosophy he promotes in his cartoons.

Which is a good thing given that it's called The Dilbert Blog

"If you’re reading this on company time, congratulations on beating the system. If you’re reading it on your own time, you really need to find a job where they pay you to do this sort of thing."

Labels: geek

posted at 3:48 PM
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And today's "We laugh in the face of the Data Protection Act" award goes to:

Dennis Publishing for this egregious attempt to bamboozle participants in an prize survey. What were these guys thinking???


To click or not to click? That is what the spammers hope you can't work out.

Labels: geek

posted at 8:55 AM
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I recently "upgraded" my cell phone. By upgraded I mean one of my mates got a new phone and passed her old one on to me while muttering something about my existing phone and Noah.

The 'new ' phone has a much larger memory, takes photos and allows me to Bluetooth it all to my PC (so naturally I'm in geek heaven). I didn't know much about the inner workings of mobile phones before but it only took me about a week to realise that the predictive texting on the phone was still attuned to the vocabulary and preferences of its previous owner. After accidentally texting a cricket score stating that one of the Ashes team had just gone "out for a [ahem] Fuck" I decided to ask her just what kind of language was in the customised dictionary on the phone.

She glowered at me.

"You'd better take care" she warned " 'cos there are a few other phrases which are likely to pop up by accident. Just double-check any messages containing the word Pod...Rod...Rubes..."

She pondered for a moment then continued

"...calls...Yank...Yanking...or Viv"

Another pause

"And be real careful with AUNT"

Labels: geek

posted at 10:53 AM
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Work from Home! Get Rich Quick! Sue a Spammer

Labels: geek

posted at 4:08 PM
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Today is the day. 28 years after the first film, George Lucas is putting us out of our misery with the release of Revenge of the Sith (thuch a thilly title)

If you're one of those people who thinks Yoda is a kind of cheese and JarJar Binks must be some type of kitchen utensil, here's a survival guide:


Grocery Store Wars | Join the Organic Rebellion - from the same people who bought you the Meatrix

Nathan Sawaya | The Art of the Brick™ | Han Solo in Carbonite - Lego and Star Wars have always had a close relationship. I figured nothing could get weirder than this until....

...Kinder Eggs got in on the act: Star Wars:Attack of the Hippos???

STAR WARS ASCIIMATION - this has been in production since 1997. To date, they've got as far as rescuing Princess Leia.

Meanwhile last Friday's USA Today's Hot Sites did a Star Wars special which naturally includes some of the more unusual fan sites.

For some reason they overlooked the Star Wars Last Supper

StarWarsShop.com - Slave Leia Pet Costume - yeah, you read it right.

If all this has changed your mind and inspired you to bunk off work to see what all the fuss is about Geek Squad are here to help you.

And lastly, find out who is your Star Wars twin

OK, you might be right about the kitchen utensil.

Labels: geek, lego

posted at 9:26 AM
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iRedux?

IProduct from Gizmodo - you have to look twice before you realise it's a spoof.

And, after that, this just seems like a logical progression: MacComedy - iBrator commercial

And while we're on the subject... HowToFakeIt.org

We seem to be getting a bit off-topic here but:
Boing Boing: Consumer Reports on rubbers - naturally my first thought on reading this was "Oh good! New stationery products!"

Hold that thought: Strap-On Veterans for Truth - An organization dedicating to exposing the truth about the former drag queen now known as Ann Coulter

Oh how I wish....

OK, Welcome to Topic-Drift Central:
Dr. Sneaky - Products - how did I find this????
Thora Hirds Are Go!

Labels: geek

posted at 9:58 AM
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So Who Put the Donk in the JL421 Badonkadonk?

I know that I've blogged this before but since then a lot of other people have found this product on Amazon, and they've started writing reviews. I suspect some of them even know how to drive.

Amazon.com: Everything Else: JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

Labels: geek

posted at 1:34 PM
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I wonder how long it took surfers to spot Ask Jeeves's April Fool The Future of Search Arrives: Introducing The Jeeves9000 (BETA): "Still in beta, the Jeeves9000 does not yet index full PDF content or .INI files, though future models will offer these features. Meanwhile, it has a *slight* aggressive streak, which we are in the process of ironing out."

If that wasn't enough, they were also the only search engine pranksters to go to the trouble of making promotional videos for their project

Labels: geek

posted at 9:11 AM
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The AOLer Translator - translate normal English to the kind of typing which can be understood by the denizens (aka 12 year-olds) of an AOL chat room (aka the 7th Cirle of Hell).

Eg:

English - AOL is crap, I mean really crap. You might think that Girls Aloud was real rubbish but that's just a walk in the park to AOL

Translation - AOL IS CRAP I MEAN RILLY CRAP!!11!!11 OMG WTF U MIGHT THINK TAHT GIRLS ALOUD WAS R3AL RUBISH BUT TAHTS JUSRT A WOK IN TEH PARK 2 AOL

Labels: geek

posted at 12:49 PM
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Here are 14 actual error messages seen on the computer screens in Japan, where some are written in Haiku. Aren't these better than "your computer has performed an illegal operation"?

1. The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.

2. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.

3. Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too
much.

4. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your
screams.

5. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.

6. Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.

7. Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is
down.

8. A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.

9. Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has
occurred?

10. You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not
here.

11. Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will.

12. Having been erased, The document you're seeking must now be retyped.

13. Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared.

Labels: geek

posted at 11:47 AM
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I believe that this orginally appeared in the Washington Post several years ago. As I recall, the haikus were submitted by readers. They are too clearly American humor to be real Japanese haiku!

By  Simon, at 11:44 AM  

I was wrong. It was from a 1998 Salon: http://archive.salon.com/21st/chal/1998/02/10chal2.html

By  Simon, at 11:51 AM  

But oh don't you wish they were for real...? ;-)

By  Carol Naylor, at 12:09 PM  

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