Collect Britain > Putting History in Place - another facinating website from those wonderful people at the British Museum. They're busy putting a lot of the museum's holdings online, especially those relating to the UK. This site showcases a loto f that material in themed sections. I particularly liked the quiz on the East End and the way it's linked into the relevant information pages.

posted at 11:23 PM
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Bush in 30 Seconds - using the politicial advert format to tell the public what Bush and his policies are really about - in just 30 seconds. My favorite is "If Parents acted like Bush" which won the "Funniest" category.

posted at 10:18 AM
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BBC - BBC THREE - Blobs - although it doesn't show adverts, the BBC still has to allow gaps between programs (if only to give its viewers time to go to the loo). As a result each channel has its own set of idents. Generally it seems that the creativity of the idents is in inverse ratio to the number of viewers the channel gets. BBC1's are overused and boring. BBC2 features the adventures of a set of deranged little "2"s. But BBC3 definitely wins the prize with The Blobs from Aaardman (the people behind Wallace and Gromit).

Sample of the ads, with games and desktops, are here. My favorite is Vicky Blob (based on the Little Britain character).

posted at 10:21 AM
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YouMustChoose.com Life is filled with tough choices, and so is this web site.

posted at 8:27 PM
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Tasteless Hillary! Jokes - sorry, but this just had me curled up

posted at 7:13 PM
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Bullies Reunited - Seethru.co.uk - the scarey part is that this is a spoof web page hosted by a spoof web site.

posted at 8:26 PM
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UVA Computer Science: Star Links - Like the Kevin Bacon game but links any actor to any other actor

posted at 11:36 AM
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PalletMaster - what if your web server were manic-depressive and got neurotic every time it had to do a 404 error message?

posted at 11:36 AM
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Entensity.net - Rainbow - I'm in shock. I never dreamed that Zippy, Bungle, George and Geoffrey could enjoy playing with their twangers like this...

posted at 8:08 PM
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Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie - the perpetrators of "Steaming Pile of Skit" and "Welcome to the Internet Helpdesk" (which introduced me to the concept of the "12 o'clock flasher")

posted at 11:31 AM
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Man treated after attempting to nail himself to cross - somebody just wasn't thinking it through...

posted at 11:55 AM
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http://www.kontraband.com/html/movies/moviesswf.asp?ID=1199 - no f***ing comment.

I'm just glad my mother doesn't read this blog....

posted at 4:42 PM
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I just needed to share this little bit of Friday madness.

I'm presently working as a contractor for a Government department in Westminster. It's not one of the more controversial departments (they don't have anything to do with Iraq, animal rights or the economy) so things are normally pretty quiet around here.

However, this lunchtime we had a bit of excitement. There was a small but very loud demonstration by the main entrance on behalf of the "Fathers for Justice" group (at least we think that was who they were). Basically they're a bunch of guys who have been screwed by their ex-wives over child custody and visitation rights. To draw attention to their cause, they've been pulling off some quite inconvenient stunts all over London for the last few months (mostly involving climbing something tall while dressed as superheroes).

Today's demonstration involved about a dozen people with banners, klaxons, whistles and a loudhailer accompanied by - since we're on Black alert anyway - a lot of very nervous security people. The object of the exercise seemed to be to disrupt work in the building by making as much noise as possible and get the attention of the Govt. Ministers.

Unfortunately there were a few things no-one bothered to check beforehand.

1. It's Friday - all the MPs have buggered off to their constituencies for the weekend
2. It's windy - if there is anything written on the banners they're waving, no-one can read it as the banners are wrapped around their poles.
3. The windows are totally soundproofed. I've just stood indoors 6 feet from the guy with a loudhailer and I couldn't hear a thing.

Since the weather is so foul most people are using the canteen rather than go out. Hardly anyone in here has even realised that there's a demo going on.

So they're out there in the pouring rain, getting soaked to very effect.

The few people who have noticed them are starting to think that there might be a good reason they got screwed by their ex.'s...

posted at 1:46 PM
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Two Chaps Talking "Here you will find the pearls of a correspondence, begun in the year 2000, between two English Gentlemen, one in London and one in New York. The fortnightly letters, originally written in ink on quilted vellum, cover all the important issues of the day including what a chap should wear, drink, say, do and eat in any given situation. As a light aside they also touch upon such minor topics as geopolitics and world affairs. "

I don't often blog Blogs but this one looks very readable.

posted at 1:42 PM
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BBC - Celebdaq - Homepage - I admit it, I'm hooked. Even though I loathe celebrity culture, this is quite fun just to play as a game. Trade virtual shares in celebrities and get dividends based on the number of column inches they score in the national press. I made about 2 grand on the Queen this week (I think it was because she was reported as saying "bloody").

posted at 1:43 PM
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Dear Mom and Dad,

Since I left for college I have been remiss in writing and I am sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further until you are sitting down, okay?

Well, then, I'm getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out the window of my dormitory when it caught on fire shortly after my arrival here is pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get those sick headaches once a day.

Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory, and my jump, was witnessed by an attendant at a gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance.

He also visited me in the hospital and since I had nowhere to live because of the burntout dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his appartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven't got the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.

Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.

The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has a minor infection which prevents him from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. I know that you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and, although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your often expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by that.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I am not infected, and there is no boyfriend. However, I am getting a "D" in American History, and an "F" in Chemistry and I want you to see those marks in their proper perspective.

Your loving daughter,

Sharon

posted at 1:47 PM
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The World really is a strange place......

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*>

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than 'going blind!')

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this? Okay...um...I don't think so!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...?)
(Did the govt. pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez) !

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last......
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(Do you think they have bad breath?)

posted at 1:48 PM
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If you don't know who the Goons were, just give up now. Otherwise this peice of circular logic is from The Mysterious Punch-Up-The-Conker - follow the link to find the full script and an MP3 of the sketch.

"Bluebottle: What time is it Eccles?
Eccles: Err, just a minute. I've got it written down on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time down for me this morning.
Bluebottle: Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you Eccles?
Eccles: Welll, um, if a anybody asks me the time, I can show it to dem.
Bluebottle: Wait a minute Eccles, my good man.
Eccles: What is it fellow?
Bluebottle: It's writted on this bit of paper, what is eight o'clock, is writted.
Eccles: I know that my good fellow. That's right, um, when I asked the fella to write it down, it was eight o'clock.
Bluebottle: Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn't eight o'clock?
Eccles: Well den, I don't show it to 'em.
Bluebottle: Ooohhh.
Eccles: [smacks lips] yeah.
Bluebottle: Well how do you know when it's eight o'clock?
Eccles: I've got it written down on a piece of paper.
Bluebottle: Ohh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the time written on.
Eccles: Oohhhh.
Bluebottle: 'Ere Eccles?
Eccles: Yah.
Bluebottle: Let me hold that piece of paper to my ear would you? 'Ere. This piece of paper ain't goin'
Eccles: What? I've been sold a forgery.
Bluebottle: No wonder it stopped at eight o'clock.
Eccles: Oh dear.
Bluebottle: You should get one of them tings my Grandad's got.
Eccles: Oooohhh.
Bluebottle: His firm give it to him when he retired.
Eccles: Oooohhh.
Bluebottle: It's one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at eight o'clock, boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.
Eccles: Ohhh yeah. What's it called? Um.
Bluebottle: My Granma.
Eccles: Ohh. Ohh, wait a minute. How does she know when it's eight o'clock?
Bluebottle: She's got it written down on a piece of paper. "

posted at 1:02 PM
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posted at 8:23 PM
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"ScrappleFace, the daily news satire site, features 3-to-5 new stories most days. Scott Ott, editor-in-chief, leads the vast editorial staff of ScrappleFace to cover the globe like a patina of dental plaque...."

posted at 8:27 PM
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The Common Good Network - In defense of Biblical marriage excellent illustration of the folly of taking an uncritical appeal to the Bible

posted at 8:29 PM
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The Official Web Site of the British Monarchy - guess it was inevitable really. What next? www.philthegreek.com?

posted at 9:49 PM
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My Dad is an enthusiastic golfer.....so is my uncle....and his wife.....and my cousin. I just hope none of them ever read this:

* I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
* I've spent most of my life golfing. the rest I've just wasted.
* They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
* Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
* It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
* Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore,' shoot six, and write down five
* Give me golf clubs, fresh air & a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
* Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
* The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. "

posted at 8:51 PM
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Fourth Plinth - visitors to Trafalgar Square may have noticed that one of the four plinths lacks a statue. This was largely because, having put up the plinth, the authorities ran out of money. Fast-forward 160 years and they've finally raised the funds prompting a considerable amount of media frenzy on just what should be there.

Last year I listened to a very heated debate on the radio where most of the callers (largely sad little middle-englanders) were spluttering with outrage at some of the suggested designs shown on this site. Most of them were appalled at the thought that a politically-focussed sculpture might possibly occupy the same space as the statues of three men whom few of them knew anything about.

Now, personally I'm not too captivated by any of these designs either. However what NONE of the callers mentioned (and I didn't know until I read it on this site) was that the winning design will only be on the plinth for about a year as part of a scheme to showcase the work of new British artists. And I can certainly live with something for a year - I've got better things to get outraged about.

Don't you just love it when the media whips up a storm by only presenting part of the story?

And gee, aren't we lucky that doesn't happen all the time.

posted at 8:54 PM
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I'm fed up with e-mails from people who think that the word "You" should only contain one letter. So here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish:

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands and abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

posted at 8:47 PM
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Welcome to Parodyville! - one of the better collections of online humor. Home to "Dishonest Dubya" the lying Action Figure Doll and As Seen On The Web

posted at 5:50 PM
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St David's Day - useful article that avoids the slightly patronising tone that some Welsh sites adopt on this subject.

posted at 2:44 PM
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