Rules for Halloween!
With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!!
* When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER checkto see if it's really dead.
* Never read a book of demon summoning aloud,even as a joke.
* Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
* If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
* When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.
* As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
* If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HECK OUT!
* If appliances start operating by themselves,do not check for short circuits; just GET THE HECK OUT!
* Never, ever take ANYTHING from the dead.
* If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
* If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
* If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
* Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize that one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
* Beware of strangers bearing tools, for example: chainsaws, staple guns,hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
* When investigating a noise downstairs in anold house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.
* If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
* If you think it's strange you ran out of gas because you thought you just had a full tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
posted at 1:01 PM
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NRAblacklist.com - join the honour roll along with Sean Connery, Julia Roberts, Oprah Winfry, Walter Cronkite, Maya Angelou, Shania Twain, Jack Nicholson, NBC, Mel Brookes, Matt Damon, Drew Barrymore, Mike Myers, ABC, Paul Newman, Madonna, Jerry Seinfeld and even Britney Spears.
posted at 8:10 PM
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Plaguedomes - snowdomes with a sick twist, shake this one and it's not a snowscene you'll see...
posted at 6:27 PM
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News Hax Satire News - News - looks like a perfectly legitimate news site until you actually start reading it. And it doesn't miss a trick (check out the banner ads).
posted at 8:46 PM
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CrAzY SyTeS - "...wE haVe KidnaPPed YouR wEbsiTe. LeaVe $10 iN uSeD BeeR bOtTLe caPs behind ThE GarDen shEd oR we wiLL
do iT to YouR BLOg aS weLL.
posted at 11:57 AM
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I paid my annual visit to the optician's recently. My eyesight is so poor (10-11 diopters correction) that I get free tests and the experience isn't too traumatic. However, my optometrist is also my cousin and he shares my genetically twisted sense of humour. Fortunately he cannot inflict this on his regular clientele, but I'm considered fair game.
His eyes lit up when he realised I was snivelling with a head cold and he gleefully gave me the usual flourescent dye drops to examine my eye more closely. He knew what I didn't: tear ducts drain into the nose.
I was blowing flourescent snot for SIX hours
Thanks Clive.
posted at 11:19 AM
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Karaoke Volare - doesn't matter if you enjoy Karaoke or not, the animation in this is very simple but wildly funny.
posted at 12:02 AM
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Just once I'd like to do an online personality test that tells me I'm actually a total bastard with sociopathic tendencies. Until then ones like
this will have to do:
posted at 1:14 PM
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